On the job

I dressed in a suit and went to work today for the first time since I "returned" from my leave of absence. It was actually a nice change from my usual day - I even wore a new pair of pumps I recently purchased! There was a management team meeting at 11:30, and I thought it would be good to have some face time with my colleagues, meet the new people, and see how Emma does with a babysitter. (Cassie, my sister-in-law, who was the babysitter, said Emma did splendidly - she pooped, ate, and slept, and was an easy charge.)

Let me explain, before anybody that doesn't know me starts getting all judgmental about my leaving my child to go earn a paycheck. My official LOA expired on May 22nd, and I was due to return to work full-time on May 23rd. I knew I didn't WANT to go back to work all along. I actually tried to resign, or at the very least try to talk my new boss out of letting me come back to work by emphasizing how committed I was to being available for my daughter, which isn't possible if I were to return. My boss was very supportive of my efforts to prioritize family life over my career, and (probably because he's so desperate) has offered to let me have whatever schedule I would like as long as I don't quit. After several weeks of discussions and deliberation, we agreed I would work half-time, but only from home, and only on special projects. It's not a permanent gig, as we have agreed to re-evaluate after two months.

My former job doesn't lend itself to a flexible schedule. My role as an administrative director over several clinical departments requires a lot of time spent in meetings and discussions, and people I work with require face time with me. Even if I were to go back part-time, not being available in person 2-3 days of the week probably wouldn't settle well with everyone. However, I can work on projects from home when Emma is napping or sleeping in the evening (like now), so I figured if I have a chance to work a little, I should try it. I can always quit if it doesn't work out, or the organization may decide they can't afford it anyway.

I'm grateful I have this opportunity to try work part-time at home. I want to raise Emma and not miss a moment of her development, and I don't have anything to prove at work anymore. These feelings made it easy to decide I don't want to go back to 60+ hour workweeks. While the decision to stay at home with Emma was easy, staying AWAY from work has been more difficult - more than I thought it would be. Does that make sense? So, for now, I work a little at home - barefoot and in my pajamas most days - while I figure out what kind of stay-at-home mom I want to be.