Battle of Wills

One of these days, I'll stop writing about how much Emma weighs because no girl wants that! But for now, it's fun to see just how much she has grown every few days. Her one-month check-up was on this past Friday morning, and she weighed 5 lbs 14.5 oz. That's only 10th percentile for weight, but her head circumference and height (19") are in the 50th percentile. I'm hoping she's over 6 lbs by now, the size predicted by this time. We are now within a week of her original due date of April 15th. Occasionally, I find myself imagining how I might be feeling now if I were still pregnant with her. I'm a little sad I'll never know, but very happy I have her here healthy!

This weekend was a battle of wills for Emma and me. She has preferred only to feed using bottles since she has been home because that's what she's familiar with, from her experience in the NICU. It was starting to take a toll on me in many ways, and I was starting to become extremely discouraged because of her refusal to nurse. (If anyone has ever read those books on breastfeeding, the experts are very firm about NOT giving a baby a bottle too early, even preemies. I didn't really have a choice under my circumstance, but was starting to feel like a failure.) Finally, on Sunday, when I was in tears and lamenting the fact that I wanted things to be perfect when Emma came home, Curtis encouraged me to get Emma to quit the bottle cold turkey. And despite my own doubts, she did! It took prayers, a lot of screaming from Emma, and many tears (both hers and mine), but eventually, she latched on, and she is now, thankfully, nursing. She seems happy, which eases the concerns I had about "forcing" her to breastfeed. I'm grateful Curtis was so patient and supportive during our battle. I couldn't have done it without his faith and support. So, for now, it's one point for Mommy; zero for Emma.

By the way, one thing I've noticed since Emma is that I have said words like "breastfeeding" and "lactation" more times than I have in all the years prior! Everyone was right - being a parent does change things!